JC AP Class-members, please comment on whether this is a strong thesis statement or not (and explain why or why not):
In the early 20th century, women of the feminist movement were gaining attention through protests against feminine oppression, but the most powerful protest was the visual demonstration of women independence through the revolutionary clothing designs of Maria Monaci Gallenga, Gabrielle Chanel, and Madeleine Vionnet.
The thesis is okay. At the end it has a laundry list of topics but it also has a strong opinion and is not pure fact. Also it is a little long and you have to read it a few times to understand the argument.
ReplyDeleteThe thesis is nearly developed. It gets a little wordy, but it clearly expresses the topics that will be discussed in the paper. Possibly a bit too many adjectives and words that do not add anything to the argument.
ReplyDeleteThis is a strong thesis that clearly gives an argument and examples. While the examples could have been given in a non-list form, the thesis overall is good.
ReplyDeleteThis is a fairly strong thesis, and it has a clear argument with examples to back it up, but it does not quite answer the question, "Why?" Also, the examples are given in a list.
ReplyDeleteThe argument is clearly stated, but, as Allison said, the question why remains unanswered. WHY are the clothing designs of said designers revolutionary? There is no "because" clause to briefly explain why these designers decided to protest against female oppression. The thesis does do a good job of identifying the subject matter and time period, and also what topics, or in this case people, will later be discussed.
ReplyDeleteI think it is pretty good, there is a bit of a laundry list, but still good. I would maybe explain or briefly state why the revolutionary clothing designs were so important. Otherwise I think the wording and everything is great!
ReplyDeleteI think it is almost there. I really like the argument you are making but I think it's a bit wordy.
ReplyDeleteThere is a slight laundry list (no pun intended) but that cannot be avoided because you're listing the people. Otherwise, it is really good.
ReplyDeleteThis thesis is pretty good, and presents the subject well of the paper, and ends with a laundry list type statement
ReplyDeleteIt's good, pretty strong, but why is it so revolutionary?
ReplyDeletethe phrase "women of the feminist movement were gaining attention through protests against feminine oppression" could be taken out to make it a powerful statement...like "In the early 20th century, the most powerful protest of the feminist movement was the visual demonstration of women independence through the revolutionary clothing designs of Maria Monaci Gallenga, Gabrielle Chanel, and Madeleine Vionnet."
ReplyDeleteThe laundry list of names could be improved, also a little more information on what the revolutionary clothing designs actually did for the feminist movement. It is good that it makes a clear argument though.
ReplyDeleteThe thesis statement is pretty good but the first half of it is just back ground information and should not be part of the sentence. It should include what the protest is for and why.
ReplyDeleteToo long. Seems like a list rather than trying to prove anything.
ReplyDeleteIt is strong and gets the point across. The end is a list but it is a list of people, not ideas.
ReplyDelete